Quick recap: I had my 16ish week check-up at the beginning of the month. Things look good. I did gain some weight, but I’m still below my pre-pregnancy weight. I got to hear the heartbeat. It was actually kinda funny. He couldn’t find it closer to my belly button (we did hear movement) even though things felt solid up there so he moved a little lower. Didn’t have a problem finding it down there, of course, but then he grabs my hand and checks my pulse. He gives me a smile and says that the heartbeat is around 130, but he wanted to make sure that it wasn’t mine having jumped super high at not finding the heartbeat right away. When he did find the heartbeat, it was steady but a little faint. He told me that wasn’t a problem, just meant the baby wasn’t directly under the doppler. As if on cue, the heartbeat suddenly got significantly stronger and the doctor laughed, saying the baby had just slide into the doppler sweet spot. I scheduled our big 20-week ultrasound for April 6!! We’ll get to find out what we’re having! I have also been feeling the baby kicking on a pretty regular schedule for about the last week or so. It's soo cool.
I've been looking at different baby things and ideas. We're going to try to stay as gender neutral as possible (I hate pink) so we're gathering ideas. Haven't done any registering yet, but since over the last few days, plans have been set into works for at least three baby showers, we should probably get on that. I've got ideas pinned on Pinterest which is helping me and now that my mom is finally on there, she can see what we're looking at too. So things are looking good on the baby front, for the most part. Still haven't started the child care search but right now that's out of my hands, so I'm not going to worry for the moment.
The reason that child care is out of my hands is because I'm not sure we're going to have a school next year. The City charter application got denied, so we are in a limbo place right now. They like us, but need us to have a good audit for a full year before they can back us which means at least two more years with our current district. Not good. Plus they are raising the rent here without raising the number of kids, so money will be even tighter if we are open. I should be getting a promotion for next year, but if we're not open........ In addition, I'm tired of always having things to complain about at work. It's getting ridiculous.
I try to be positive, but I'm running out of positive.
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I am just not sure I can anymore.
I almost wonder if the stress of trying to find a new job would be less than the stress of dealing with my current work situation.
My mom wants me to send her my resume so she can pass it around down there. That would be helpful, but I don't really want to move down there. I love my parents, but I really love living in Milwaukee. We have friends here, groups that we are part of, a church we like (even if we don't get there as often as we should), and I'm not sure I want to live that close to my parents. On the other hand, moving back to IL would include almost free child care. And probably a pay raise (which would be balanced by the higher cost of living).
And grad school is kicking my butt right now too. I'm not sure how I'm going to get my thesis written by October, and the class I'm taking right now is just a crazy bunch of math that's making me feel dumb and so far, hasn't helped with writing my thesis or the project for the class.
Overall, my life is making crazy.
So when my mom says to me, "you should really just chill out and calm down", I don't think I'm out of line to get upset with her. I mean, I was crying when I said it, and I did feel bad afterward, but still......
Luckily, Matt knows better.
On one last note, I'm doing a book club. I'm not sure I've ever done a book club. Ever. So I'm excited. And it 's online, so I don't even have to make time to go somewhere. Details are here. There is still time to sign up!!