Sunday, February 26, 2012


I posted earlier this weekend about PAIL: Parenting/Pregnant After Infertility & Loss. I decided that I would go ahead and join and if I decided that I didn't quite fit, I could always leave. So I have a PAIL button my blog, and  here is another link to the list: PAIL. Check it out if you're interested.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

I know I worry

I've posted previously about needing time away from the TTC boards on Ravelry. I'm not worrying as much about the horrible things that could go wrong. I'll be 15 weeks tomorrow, we've heard the heartbeat, seen the baby twice and everything is measuring like it should. So on that front, I've gotten a bit better. Until I hear another a horror story that happens to someone I indirectly know through someone that I kinda sorta know on a blog. Another blogger lost her baby boy at 22 weeks this week. It totally threw me. I didn't really know her, didn't know much about her, yet after a brief annoying conversation with a co-worker on Wednesday morning, I broke down and cried for 15 minutes. It's just a sharp reminder that you're never really out of the clear. Granted, I have no history of miscarriage or anything like that, in contrast to that blogger (not that her loss is her fault, that's not what I'm saying AT ALL). But I just don't have the same risk factors. Then you read another story about someone who lost their baby at 36 weeks! Perfectly normal pregnancy, and at 36 weeks, there was no heartbeat. These stories tear me up. So I worry.

I also worry that someday when we try to have another baby, we're going to have the same issues all over again. I suppose, that's if we decide to have another baby. Honestly, my first three months have not been the greatest. Hopefully the rest will be a bit better. As much as I feel like we struggled, I know that I just don't have the same infertility story that many people do. We only tried for a year before we conceived. Others try for years before becoming successful and that's if they ever do. I feel like I don't fit that label. I expressed my concerns to my doc sooner than a year, but that was at her suggestion, honestly. And yes, we did end up needing interventions to get pregnant. But nothing near what others have had to fight.

Sex on a schedule becomes a chore. Charting and OPKs are a pain. Metformin made me sick for a week, gave me the shakes when my blood sugar got low, and overall didn't do much. But there were no extra pills beyond Metformin (bought them, never got a chance to take them), no injections, no IUI cycles. I was bummed when I got my period (or got a BFN), but kept telling myself it had only been six months, nine months, almost a year.

I bring this up because one of the blogs that I read regularly is starting a group called PAIL: Parenting/Pregnancy After Infertility and Loss. I'm just not sure where I fit there. I worked a lot harder than many of my friends to get pregnant, but not nearly as hard as some other people. And as much as I wonder sometimes about that horrible period I had last year (I seriously though my entire uterus was going to come out, there was so much blood and it was so heavy and clotty and so much cramping), I don't think I've suffered a loss. So I'm not sure if I have a legitimate claim to joining. I might wait awhile and see how things go. At least follow the group, see if anyone else fits the goofy place I'm in.

Getting pregnant was not a walk in the park, but it was definitely not a three year climb, barefoot, up-hill both ways.

Monday, February 20, 2012

In other news, we went to Madison last weekend for our mini-vacation from Matt's parents. They gave us a two night stay at our choice of four hotels in various cities in Wisconsin. We picked Madison, and had a great time!! The hotel was a Clarion Suites, so our room was more like a living room, bedroom, power room, and bathroom. It had a mini-kitchen with a dishwasher even! The hotel had a free breakfast and a social hour with drinks/snacks. It also had a pool which we made sure to use while we were there.

On Friday, we got there and just lounged until social hour. Then we took a 'nap' ;-) and then a real nap. After that we went to the Great Dane Pub in Fitchburg. We ordered their pretzel appetizer which comes with two different mustards. I ordered their Brown Ale Onion soup which is essentially French onion soup except the onions were cooked in the ale. I also had an amazing salad that had two kinds of tomatoes, fresh mozzarella balls, asparagus, fire roasted red peppers, and pita all tossed in an olive oil dressing on a bed of spinach. Unfortunately, this was one of those stupid nights when my stomach decided it wasn't going to hold food. I ate one pretzel, about a dozen sips of soup, and half a dozen bites of salad. And that was it. If I even thought about eating more, that thought was followed by the thought that I should really get to the bathroom in case I puke. It was awful, and Matt felt really bad. But the leftovers (salad on Saturday for 1st lunch, soup on Sunday night for dinner) tasted even better than it did the first night so it all worked out. We didn't have to pay for this dinner; we used money sent by my parents for Christmas.

We pretty much went back to the hotel and crashed. Watched some TV and passed out. It was lovely.

What was even lovelier was not waking up to a whining cat at 6:00AM.

Free breakfast, more 'napping', and another nap in the morning. Then lunch at a cute little place in Madison proper called Mildred's. Very counter-culture, as Matt would put it, where the guy making your food wearings a beanie inside. Great atmosphere. I had the hummus platter (a ton of hummus, a whole what pita, at least half of a slice cucumber, and a beautiful sliced tomato), a pickle and a lemonade while Matt had the Gramsci (pepperoni, mozzarella, pickled sweet red peppers with mustard and mayo), some chips, and Sprecher root beer. I ate those leftovers while on the phone with my mom on Sunday when we got home.

Saturday afternoon we just chilled, played on Matt's computer, watched TV, etc. Nothing exciting. Hit the social hour, picked a new restaurant for dinner (The other part of the gift was dinner out at the restaurant of our choice. We had picked out one restaurant but changed it at the last minute.), and then got ready to go.

We were way under dressed, but it worked out. Fleming's was amazing. The atmosphere was all grown-up and lovely with slightly subdued lights. The menu had two pages of food and four pages of wine. Matt ordered wine and I ordered a virgin Bloody Mary. It was pretty good, although a little pulpy.  For the salad course, Matt ordered the Fleming's Salad which was a basic salad made way more exciting with cranberries and walnuts and a citrus vinaigrette. My salad was the tomato/mozzarella salad. It was amazing: nothing more than slices of tomato layered with slices of fresh mozzarella drizzled with a balsamic glaze and topped with  chiffonade of basil (basil that has been rolled up and sliced). Amazing, simply amazing. We both order the petite fillet mignon, which was an 8 oz steak that was seasoned with sea salt and cracked black pepper, seared in a 1600 degree broiler then topped with a small pat of butter and sprinkled with parsley. It was fantastic. I also ordered a baked potato with all the toppings on the side. I ended up just using the butter and sour cream. But it looks the potato had been rolled in butter then salt before being roasted. When I ordered it, I made the comment that I couldn't eat steak without baked potato. Matt responded by saying that a baked potato was a baked potato anywhere. He took that back after trying this one. I took about two-thirds of it home because I wanted to finish my steak. It tasted great on Sunday night with dinner. Finally, we ordered the cheesecake and split it. It came with a blueberry sauce and white chocolate curls, topped with fresh whipped cream that was obviously real cream that had been whipped. It tasted like what I would imagine Giada De Laurentiis' whipped cream would taste like. Awesome. Light and fluffy with a hint of vanilla, but not too sweet. I ate about a third of the cheesecake and more than half of the whipped cream including the bowl they leave for you on the table. It was an amazing meal.

After returning to the hotel, we lounged in the pool. We even spent about five minutes in the hot tub. I didn't actually get in (it's on the no-no list), but I dangled my legs and it was just enough. Then more sleep. I will admit that as much as I don't miss the cat in the morning, I do miss him at night when we're getting snuggled in to bed.

More free breakfast then we hit the zoo. I should pull the pictures and add them to this post. My camera is at work so I'll have to do that later. It's a sweet little zoo, and I just wish I'd brought more granola bars so we wouldn't have had to leave so soon. I just got too hungry.

So we went to a place called Egg and I. Cute place, akin to Egg Harbor if you've ever been there. I'm not eating hot cooked eggs these days, but I knew it would totally be Matt's kind of place. And I figured I could find something to eat. Matt ordered the Mexican skillet which was chorizo, black beans, green chiles, tomatoes and onions on ranch potatoes with salsa, all topped with pepper jack cheese and eggs with a tortilla. He said it was great. I had the soup/sandwich lunch. I ordered the Sante Fe Beef and a Reuben. I hardly touched the Rueben, the soup was so good. I ate all of the soup and ate the Reuben for dinner on Sunday night with the rest of the leftovers.

The drive home was uneventful. It was nice to get away for a few days. We talked about the baby, we had sex, we slept, we ate. It was great and I can't thank my in-laws enough for it.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Things work out

(This post was written on 2/24/2012, but I set it to post two weeks ago so that I could post about things that have happened since without writing one huge post)

I'm so glad when things work out. The day of my most recent doc appointment (Feb 8), Matt's little guy wasn't in school so he was able to come with me for my ultrasound/bloodwork/check-up.  Good thing.

We spent over 30 minutes just watching the baby move around, much to the chagrin of the tech who was trying to get a measurement for the scan we were having done. I did a lot of coughing, supposedly to get the baby to move, I rolled back and forth, and eventually drank a container of OJ and walked around. All the OJ did was encourage the baby to headstands. Eventually she did get it, but not without lots of pushing and leaving me with a sore spot on my belly. The baby is measuring right on target, well, about one day ahead of schedule, but not enough to change the due date or anything.

The process of getting my bloodwork went fine. I didn't pass out or turn green or anything, and she got it on the first try. I'm not sure I've ever had that much blood taken at one time. It's been more than two weeks and no one has called to tell me that I have any STD's or bizarre-o diseases so I think I'm okay. They also haven't called to tell us that the results of the first semester screening were abnormal, so I'm guessing that's fine too. My midwife told me that the measurement part of the scan was completely normal, so that was half of it right there.

My exam also went fine. We got the hear the heartbeat which was amazing. I asked about steak and how rare I can actually go. I was thinking medium well, so I was pleasantly surprised when she said it just had to be hot/pink in the center. So on the rarer side of medium. Other than that, nothing was really new.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Do I really need this?

I go back to the doctor for blood work and another ultrasound on Wednesday. The ultrasound is really the first trimester screening. They measure fluid build-up (?) on the back of the baby's neck and if it's over a certain level, it could be indicative of some type of genetic abnormality. I'm still questioning whether or not I really need it. I'm under 35 (the age genetics start really becoming an issue), there is no history of genetic stuff in either of our families, and there haven't been any signs of anything wrong. The scan, combined with a finger-prick blood test, checks for Downs Syndrome as well as Trisomy 13 and 18, I think. Part of me wonders if something like this could have caught V's issues sooner. I know there isn't anything they could have done about it, but still knowing sooner might have .... I don't know. The other part of me just wants to see the baby again. :-) It is ultimately our decision to have the scan done, and being the planner that I am, I'd rather know now there was a risk of something than not know. I think. We're not planning to have any further testing even if something does come back abnormal, and we are definitely not going to even discuss terminating. That's not an issue.

In other news, I feel fat. I know, I know, it's pregnancy fat, but still... my pants don't fit. I have a stomach ache because my pants don't fit. I hate to complain because there are so many people out there who would love to be dealing with nausea and pants that don't fit and whatever else. It's just the money aspect. Everybody talks about how babies cost money, but no one mentions how expensive it is just to BE pregnant.

There are also so many choices when it comes to the things that babies need! Car seats alone have my head in a spin, and I just started looking at stuff today. Who would have thought that a car seat could expire?

In a separate rant, Matt totally has better titles for his blog posts than I do.