It was the day after Thanksgiving while driving back from a yarn store when Matt looked at me and said, "If I said I was ready, when would you want to start trying?" I looked at him, totally in shock (may have teared up a bit) and said, "Yesterday." We both laughed and continued our drive home. We talked about why the change in heart. You see, we had planned to wait until the summer of 2011. We were planning on giving my cycle time to settle down (we thought). We also were planning to buy a house soon, so hopefully we would have moved already. And we were going to take an exciting Baby Making 2011 vacation around my 30th birthday. That was the plan we'd developed when I went off the pill in March.
Well, we hit October and I still hadn't had a period. Since March. Almost seven months later. I was big time worried. And I'll admit, I started badgering. It become a sore spot that came up almost every time we had sex or talked about sex or looked at each other in a sexy way. We fought about it on the phone, in person, in the car, etc. It didn't help that I had turned 29 and was staring 30 straight in the face. I keep telling Matt: "this isn't going to be easy"; "I had unprotected sex for a long time between HS and college, and didn't get pregnant"; "the sooner we start trying, the sooner we can get help if it doesn't work"; "my mother started menopause in her thirties and I'm getting a lot closer to that". In hindsight now, as much as I knew these things and argued with them, I had hoped when we did start trying, we wouldn't have too much of a problem.
Apparently, around Thanksgiving, it all sank in. Matt told me that he realized that it made sense that I knew my body better than he did, and wouldn't lie or exaggerate things just to get my way. So he decided that he was willing to work on his issues and we could start trying. We went home, and since my entire family was gone (other than my dad who was watching football and wouldn't have heard a bomb drop in the kitchen), we decided to take a 'nap'. ;-) And then we took a nap.
It's been a year since then. No protection, charting temps, checking ovulation, watching signs, doctor's visits, blood work, tests........ truly trying.
I'm still here. And I'm still not pregnant.
My cycles, for the most part, have been rather irregular since going off the pill in March 2010; we're not sure why. I've read up on reproductive systems, pregnancy signs, potential problems. I've had an HSG which showed that my tubes were clear but my uterus was slightly misshapen. Matt's initial SA came back abnormal, according to the hospital, but a second SA and a second opinion on the first resulted in normal ratings with a count (on the 2nd one) high enough to have sex as much as we want. Following the HSG, I think I detected ovulation and got my period when predicted for the first time ever. This month, I'm not sure I ovulated, and am a few days away from expecting my period, so I'm not sure how this cycle has worked out. We didn't have sex when I would have liked so hopes for this cycle are low.
Even in a non-TTC sense, it's been one heck of a year. Multiple friends announced pregnancies which is getting harder and harder to deal with. I broke my arm resulting in bills and physical therapy and minimal sex. It also resulted in weight gain that I haven't been able to get taken care of. I've just been so stressed and working so hard during the day, I just have nothing left at the end of it. We almost bought a house but then had to back out when it looked like we might lose our jobs. A good friend's unborn child was diagnosed with a birth defect that could have serious life-altering consequences. Matt got laid off, only to get rehired a few weeks later. But his job is still in flux so he could be done any day. My mom then broke her arm about a month ago, so I've been making weekly trips back home to help with cooking, shopping, Thanksgiving, etc. and the next two weekends I'll be down there while my dad is out of town. My schedule at work changed dramatically leaving me with two full-time jobs and even less time to do them in.
I'm thankful to have a job. I'm thankful for my family and friends. I'm ever more thankful for Matt who is more supportive than anyone ever could be. I'm thankful that I'm not sick all the time and that we haven't found any serious barriers to conception. I'm thankful that we're even in a position to talk about getting pregnant. So as much as I have to complain about, there is plenty more to be grateful for.
Furthermore, we have a plan. With a go-ahead SA, I can start taking Clomid if necessary. If I get my period this week, I'm going to continue to wait on that. I don't want to deal with extra hormones any more than I have to. If I don't get it by next Monday, I'll be calling to get a script for progesterone to bring on my period and Clomid to make sure I ovulate. We're going to start saving now, but in case we're not pregnant by May, we're going to plan for and schedule an IUI in July while we're off of work. It's the only time that I can afford to take the time off for the ultrasounds and the tests and whatnot. A couple of rounds of IUI and that plan is to call it quits. We aren't going to let this rule our lives. So I feel more optimistic with a plan.
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