So I did my first book club over the last two months. I just barely finished the book by the deadline and I didn't send in any questions, so by golly, I'm at least going to respond to some of the questions.
The book, Bringing Up Bébé, is about the experiences of an American raising her children in France. I thought the book was well written, and while it may have painted an overly flattering (they can't all possibly be that happy!!!), I thought it contained lots of suggestions without being pushing or scientific.
Did you find that you already possessed (or hoped to possess) some “French” parenting characteristics? Did the book make you want to adopt some? Do you prefer the “American” way in any of the parenting areas the book covered?
Since I don't have my baby just yet, I haven't seen what my parenting style is going to be like. There were a number of "French" parenting characteristics that I would love to try. The biggest one for me would be 'the pause', especially at night. I do not do well at all without sleep, so getting up every few hours is going to be the hardest part about having a newborn. I don't even like the fact that I have to get up once or twice to pee since I've been pregnant. So that's one of the first things I'd like to try. Maybe I can avoid the issue of sleep training altogether if we get that to work. 'The pause' also shows up elsewhere, and I've used it a number of times with kids when they fall down. More often than not, little kids fall and then look around to see if anyone noticed. If you go running, they start screaming as if they're dying. If no one appears to notice or you don't make a big deal about it, they usually can pick themselves up, dust off and go about their business.
The issue of scheduling feedings struck me as interesting, but I'm not sure I could do it. It's been a few years since I've been in the day care business, but I'm pretty sure there are some guidelines governing how often they offer milk to the baby. And I'm pretty sure it's more often than the schedule. I could definitely see if working a.) once I'm done being pregnant and b.) when little one is bigger. Once she is eating more than just a bottle, I could totally see that working. It's not a bad idea for adults either. Although I wonder how well that plan interacts with the current eating trend of eating smaller meetings more often.
I love the idea of talking to babies about what's going on. I do that anyway just because it's good for language development, but I'd never thought about it from an intellectual 'they have a right to know what's going on' kind of way.
As for independent playing, see below.
I will try to add more tonight, but I don't have the book with me at work, so I would need to page through to see what else I'd like to try. There were more than this, I do know that.
“…[a french mother] also teaches her kids a related skill: learning to play by themselves. ‘The most important thing is that he learns to be happy by himself.’”
What do you think of leaving young babies (6-12 months) alone for a fair amount of time (20-45 minutes), if they are playing happily on their own? Neglectful, or smart parenting?
I don't think there is anything wrong with letting a baby entertain herself for brief periods of time. It does teach independence, and that is important. I would make sure I was still in the room or at least nearby to her, but the world is not going to entertain you. You will eventually have to find something to entertain yourself. I have talked with my mom about how she never had to worry about me being bored. I was always able to come up with a game or find a book or create something to do. Now, my younger brother has always had a sibling. He didn't have the opportunity to learn that skill, and is constantly bored and jumping from thing to thing, even as an adult.
I wouldn't say that it would be wise to do this all the time. You can't just feed and change her and then leave her to her own devices all the time. Babies need interaction as well. But they can also become over-stimulated, just like adults, and need time to decompress.
Other posts regarding this book can be found here: Bringing Up Bébé Book Club.
Thanks for your review! I especially appreciated your opinion as a former childcare provider.
ReplyDeleteThis was particularly interesting:
'The pause' also shows up elsewhere, and I've used it a number of times with kids when they fall down. More often than not, little kids fall and then look around to see if anyone noticed. If you go running, they start screaming as if they're dying. If no one appears to notice or you don't make a big deal about it, they usually can pick themselves up, dust off and go about their business.
I also thought the book was overly flattering. Poor Druckerman: it can't be easy to be a sole American amongst such chic swans ;)
Great review. I started doing the pause immediately after reading the book and it was pretty successful. (Not as perfect as she makes it out to be, of course.) I never thought about 'the pause' for when kids fall - though I do automatically say "you're ok" in a chirpy voice.
ReplyDeleteThat is a great point about using the pause with trips and falls! I think that will be the hardest thing, is training myself to pause, though I definitely want to try it. I think it's true that a lot of a child's behavior is based on the reactions they get, so the calmer I can be, hopefully the better. My parents were always like that - very measured reactions to even what I thought may be shocking. Not that I was after shock value, but I still think it's funny that when I showed my dad my new tattoo (I was probably 19 or 20), he barely raised an eyebrow. Just mmmhmmm'ed me and went back to his paper or whatever.
ReplyDeleteMy parents were similar, especially once I turned 18. When I was 19, I got a second set of piercings and it took my dad two weeks to even notice. The tattoos were just met with mild amusement.
DeleteYou know, your take on the book reminds me of how much some of the French ideas remind me of RIE ideas, like watching children play without interfering, encouraging to try things themselves without jumping in to help them and not running to them when they fall but instead showing them you're available to comfort them if they want that. RIE also encourages speaking to children about what you're doing with them as a measure of respect, because they deserve to know what you plan to do with them, not have it done to them without any idea of what is going on. I wonder if anyone else has written about the similarities between the two.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your take on this. Very interesting.
What is RIE?
DeleteI like your review coming from the perspective of a childcare provider, even if you've not been one for a while. I've noticed that look around to see if anyone is running over check with kids too before they decide to cry or not. It's kind of funny actually, (not the falling down part), but the part where they are starting to be aware that they way they react generates a certain reaction in adults.
ReplyDelete